to dream to remember
by LadyBird
Summary: What if what everybody remembers about the Moon Kingdom and it's end was not quite true? Who would know the difference?


**Disclaimer:** Sailor Moon does not belong to me.  
/_thoughts_/

**Explanation aka author ramble:** I kind of like Sailor Moon. It was the first long anime I watched and I have nostalgic connections to it. It was also the anime that lead me to fanfiction (I stumbled upon an archive called Sailor Moon Romance). I consider Sailor Moon sweet (most of the time) and sincere and lovely and, well many things. But I don't think I would watch all the 200 series all over again, even if I had that chance (okay, when it aired in Europe I actually looked through it thrice, took about four years in different channels). But then, who knows.  
Anyway, I had an idea for an epic AU fanfic, where it comes out that what the heroes remember about happening in the Silver Millennium did not, in fact, happen at all etc, etc, etc. AU it was mostly because of the pairings.  
I never did get around to writing it. But then, several years later, I found some drafts I'd made and having already written Harry Potter fanfiction decided it would be possible to make it into a short fic. I wrote something and left it to lay when I lost interest. Then, some time ago I came upon that ficdraft and decided to finally write it. So here it is, much, much shorter than the original idea had it.

**Warnings:** angst, unusual pairings

**to dream/ to remember**

Usagi dreams. It is not unusual and sometimes she can even remember the dreams when she wakes up, even those that are just usual dreams, not the other kind, but not this one, never this one…

The garden and the Earth rising over the horizon, and there are roses, yes, roses, but farther away and right here there are sunflowers and lilies and violets and… Red hair, long tresses falling down on the ground, so soft beneath her fingers, and eyes, warm and loving, and hands so tender and….

The garden is washed in white and it is gone. She is among the flowers /_nothing_/ the Earth is rising, so many beautiful flowers around her, but something is missing, she feels it so terribly…

And the dream slips away leaving nothing behind and instead come the flashes of red roses flying and cold, so cold, and the darkness, red hair on the ground, and white light washing over the snow covered plain. Everything's all right, everything is as it was as it should be…and why is there such feeling of loss?

Mamoru dreams of the gardens and laughter and birdsong. The air is sweet and the rose smells so wonderful, a red rose for his beloved. He gives her the flower, she smiles happily, her dark eyes /_but Usagi has blue eyes_/ shining and then it is gone in a flash of white, there is only the sweet fragrance of roses, roses red as /_her_/ fire.

Setsuna does not dream. She remembers.

Usagi and Beryl sitting in the garden, trying so hard to look at the flowers and only noticing each other.  
Prince Endymion giving his dark haired fire princess a rose, red as his love.

The prince and princess of Jupiter locked together in mock combat (that would seem deadly serious to anybody not familiar with them), sister's lightning mixing with brother's stars in a shattering burst of light as Naru of Ceres cheers for both her beloved and her friend.

Ami and Zoizite playing chess, while Kunzite and Jadeite look and advice. Zoi is losing, much due to listening to his lover. It is hard to believe that a tactician of Kunzite's ability has no talent for chess, but so it is.

Haruka and Michiru making music together, sounds of piano and violin drifting over the earthlit garden.

Minako whispering something to Hotaru, her sheer happiness and optimism making the Seishi of Saturn forget her burden for a while.  
And the Queen, walking through the garden, white hair and dress flowing in the wind that no other feels.

Queen... Serenity...

How she looked when she heard what Setsuna had to say.

Pale lips trying to smile, elegant hands trembling...

„I do not dare, Setsuna. This is the best of all the variations we have seen. I understand what you say, but none of the other futures is acceptable," /_none of the other futures has Earth undestroyed, Darkness defeated_/ „I do not dare to risk Earth, I do not dare to risk the Universe. I know you say there might be some paths we cannot see, some possibilities overlooked, but Setsuna, we can't take the chance, I can't take the chance. The things I have seen... In any other future, Galaxia will be unstoppable. I am sorry, but I can't let this happen. Even not for..."  
Cool fingers brush Setsuna's cheek, she closes her eyes and leans into the touch.

„You will look after them, yes? You will live and look after them. Promise me!"

When has she refused her queen?

Setsuna watches as Serenity walks away from he.

Setsuna sits in the kitchen and remembers. Her tea has long since gone cold. She sees both lines – what was and what was made to be..

Sometimes it is hard to remember just where she is... Sometimes she forgets. And when Ami takes out her Go pieces or Makoto calls out for somebody to come and spar with her, Setsuna finds herself listening to the voices that will not sound.

And sometimes she almost sees, out of the corner of her eye, white tresses flowing in the wind.

The quiet click of the door makes her look up. Hotaru is standing in the doorway, looking at her. She might ask what Setsuna is doing up at this time, but this is not the first time and Hotaru knows Setsuna will not answer. So she asks instead: „Is there any tea left?"

It is both easy and hard to come back into now.

„I made a full pot." Setsuna gestures toward the stove. Hotaru moves to find herself a cup.

The kitchen door opens again and this time there are two newcomers. Which is not surprising, because... But it is strange that they are up.  
„We heard you get up, Hotaru," Michiru says, „bad dreams?"

Hotaru nods quietly. Then thinks for a moment and shakes her head.  
„Not bad. Good, but... There was something missing, taken away I..." She shrugs and adds sugar to her cup then sits down next to Setsuna. Haruka is pouring tea for herself and Michiru. It seems nobody is going to get some sleep anytime soon.

They sit together in silence. They usually do, on the nights like this, when Setsunas memories and the others' dreams are too strong to ignore. Usually, but this time...

Hotaru, true to her nature, breaks the tradition.  
„Setsuna. I have wondered... Maybe I knew, but I can't remember... Did you tell Queen Serenity – I mean Serenity of Silver Millennium – what was coming? About Metallia and youma and Dark Moon and... everything. You had to know, right?"

Setsuna feels three pairs of eyes on her. This time she chooses to answer. But not quite to what was asked.

„I told her most things I knew." She holds her cup trying to warm her hands, but the tea has long since gone cold. „Everything. Up to the Crystal Tokyo. And beyond. What I knew then. The future can change." /_can be changed_/

She does not specify what is this beyond. The others know well enough not to ask.

„So she did know." This time it is Haruka who speaks, „She did know what was going to happen. If she knew, why didn't she prepare?" /_why didn't she fight_/ Haruka is asking and Setsuna hears her without words.

/_Because there was nothing to fight!_/ But Setsuna does not say this. She cannot. She promised. So instead...

„Because we saw what must come." /_Crystal Tokyo_/ „How things must go for it to come true." /_Chibi Usa running to her parents, her mother and father, Usagi and Mamuro_/ „How the future must be that the things that needed to happen would happen." /_Queen Serenity and King Endymion of Crystal Tokyo_/

Haruka shrugs contemptuously: „So the Queen chose to do nothing."

„No," Setsuna looks into her cup and sees Serenity raising the Silver Crystal, tears streaming down her face. /_I promised. I will live. But sometimes..._/

„No," Setsuna raises her head and looks at her companions, „She chose to do everything."  
But she will not explain.


End file.
